justify myself
by dourdan
Summary: "If I could give all my love to you I could justify myself but I'm just not coming through" -Counting Crows lyrics- intro: Daniel Bernhardt had a VERY small role as a District 9 tribute. his character is not mentioned in the books and barely in the movie, so i wanted to tell his character's story. (OC/Johanna Mason) rated M for some sex and violence
1. Chapter 1

Prologue (written before I saw the movie) :

Josiah Martin was just 16 when he won, now at age 42 that seemed a life time ago.

When Josiah won, he was not heralded as a hero or even a favorite- in fact the majority of people considered his victory to be dumb luck. He was not skilled or well trained, in fact he nearly died on several occasions. Perhaps it was pure luck that the top contenders managed to die off first.

He was only a child then- that is what he tells himself to calm the nightmares. He knew every face of every victim he killed or witnessed; not tributes- victims.

After his victory tour he returned to district 9 to live out his life as a farmer, abet with a larger plot of land then average. He married his childhood sweetheart; his best friend, the only person willing to stay by his side through physiological 'episodes'. Although she could not bear him a child, she managed all aspects of the farm and fields.

But more importantly, she gave comfort to Josiah's scarred body and soul.

Some people wondered why her husband would place such a burden on her, but she would reply that she lived only to love and support him; for all he had lived through he deserved at least that much.

As one of the few former winners from District 9, he was supposed to train the next generation of tributes, so that they might honor their district with a victory as well. He took on the mentor position only once- then after witnessing his students die horrifically mere hours in to the competition he vowed to never take the mentor job ever again.

Upon returning home he went out in to his fields and attempted to kill himself with a large knife.

This made a case for "mental instability" and since there were other living winners from dict 9, he was allowed to live his life un-bothered. until the "all star" event.

Yes he did it; what the rumors say; he slept with her. He betrayed his wife , his district, anyone who eher cared or believed in him; he had sex with the legendary beauty Johanna Mason.

And that was the reason he died.

Some might say he "fell for her" or "fell under her spell" but he will not play the innocent victim; he cheated on his kind, loyal, loving wife (who stood by him though all his tragedy and pain)- with a girl old enough to be his daughter.

At the gates of heaven or hell, he had plenty of time to reflect on how it all happened.

Round 1; the gym-

Instead of learning useful skills (what would happen if this was a regular Hunger Games even with randomly selected children), the competitors were showing off; well most of them anyway. There were a few who used this time to speak to allies about strategy. Josiah wished he had allies. Even his fellow District 9 representative was not really an ally or even a friend.

He also did not feel like practicing anything. He knew what he was going to do for the mandatory "performance" in front of the "judges" (who would then assign a ranking) for the entertainment of the fans and to give "odds" for gamblers.

So he sat in the corner and prayed. He carried with him a small cross. (He assumed he was allowed to keep it because at least it was not a mockingjay.) Holding it in the palm of his hand he closed his eyes and asked god for guidance. He knew he would never see District 9 again. But part of him hoped there was a chance he would not have to die.

As he opened his eyes he saw her. She locked eyes with him then quickly looked away. Johanna Mason, the dark haired angel practiced her weapon routine, until the star decided to show off. The entire gym came to a halt; everyone wanted to get a peek at the power and skill of Katniss; the last Hunger Games winner and overnight celebrity sensation.

But there was something about the guy from district 9; was he praying? How laughably innocent. But at 6'1" with a gorgeous face and hot muscular body he was at least nice to look at. And from what she could remember from history; he won his title in a similar way to her-by waiting for the majority of the competition to kill each other. The only difference was he appeared to have "survivor's guilt."

She made sure to shoot him a smile as they took their seats for the individual performances.

round 2; the individual performances

For his performance he did a bo staff routine. He was sure it was not most impressive thing they would see. He was self taught in hand to hand combat, adding skills with a bo staff because even though 99% of the time there was no bo staff offered, the skill of using a long stick-like object as a weapon could be useful for a wide variety of situations.

He had been training with a staff for over 10 years; even if he was never asked back to the competition, the movements gave him a sense of balance and tranquility- except for today. He managed to drop the staff. And to make things much worse, he could not seem to pick it back up. Was it lack of practice? or something else? He would ask to see a doctor, but for now all he could do was exit and accept his low rank score.

The district 9 team managers allowed him to see a doctor even though they really didn't care if he lived or died at this point; the low ranks score was already a very publicized embarrassment.

But the doctor did find something; for whatever reason Josiah had suffered a small stroke- his hands would never be stable enough to hold a weapon ever again. This was a death sentence.


	2. Chapter 2

round 3: stage interviews

If given a choice he would have liked to skip this part. He was asked only a few quick questions about loyalty to god and his district- there were much more interesting people to interview.

Such as Johanna who took the opportunity to exposed her anger with the situation, (and her immaturity) - but he had to admire her passion.

Last to be interviewed was Katniss and she left the biggest impression, both for her dress and for her motion to hold hands. She caused all the competitors (even the psychotic ones from District 1 and 2) to hold hands in an act of solidarity; these were people, human beings with emotions, lives, hopes, and fears- they were not actors or puppets. Even as the power cut out, leaving just a shadow, the message was clear, they stood as symbols of hope and courage but also as people.

Johanna went back to her room to change out of her costume. She went to the chapel. she had a feeling she might find him there. During her winning year she knew many of the competitors to go to the chapel to pray one last time. But if god loved them he would not have let them get chosen (after all there were plenty of people who would go their entire lives never having been chosen.) Needless to say Johanna was not on speaking terms with god at the moment.

Sure enough she found the very depressed district 9 rep.

"hi," she said taking a seat next to him. They sat in silence for a few minutes. She refused to extend herself any further then a greeting. If he didn't want to talk she would just leave.

"you gave quite an interview." he said cracking a smile. His hands were shaking badly and looking at his face it was clear he had been crying.

"I'm not going to say i understand what you're going through- I guess in your time if you stayed quiet they would allow you to live out your life in peace, with the people you love." she said. After all she was a more recent winner and to make keep the more recent winners in line the government took from her anyone she ever cared about. She lived in luxury surrounded by fans and fakes.

"but i do know you won your year the same way as i did; by waiting it out and..."

"i waited it out completely." he interrupted her. "the people i fought to actually win were already pretty badly injured- it was all luck." He said in the same way he always said it; sadness with a hint of anger.

"I guess that explains why you still have your soul." she said holding his hand. His hands were rough and callused from a life time of hard labor, but something about that seemed sexy.

"you have your soul; your emotions have to come from someplace." He said. As he said this he placed her hand on his chest, as if to motion where the human heart would be.

"have such a pure soul" Johanna said, looking in to his eyes, " worthy of god's love and mine."

With that she kissed him; he could feel the hidden passion in this usually (emotionally) cold and but now so very hot female. It didn't matter that tomorrow they very well could be destined to kill one another; in this moment they both need each other to complete the missing part of themselves- to hold onto the part that was still human.

As his hands drifted down her body he could feel them tremble slightly but he couldn't be sure if it was because of the stroke or that he wanted her so badly.

She grabbed his hands and took them into hers, "let's go to my room."

With saying those words she gave him one last kiss that felt as if she was drawing out his very soul.

As they made their way to the room he felt almost normal; as if being with her had turn back the hands of time.

She opened her door. And before they were through the entry way the two became intertwine once again their lips pressed to one another as their hands hurried to undress.

He slammed her into the nearby wall as he undid his pants and let them fall to the floor as he hoisted her legs around his waist. The two kissed as he slid his rock hard member into her, nearly slamming her in to the wall with every intense thrust.

She let out an almost feral moan as she dug her nails in to his back.

They had loud passionate sex for what seemed like hours (it probably seems like hours to anyone trying to get some sleep). She was not a virgin but it had been a long time since she felt a man's touch. And this man knew exactly how to touch her. She liked it rough and hard; he had the raw power she so desperately craved.

After they lay naked in each other's arms, bodies covered in bruises and sweat, high on the afterglow, Johanna started asking random questions.

"could you ever love me"

"would you leave your wife for me"

The words that fell from his lips were, "i would do anything for you". He stroked his hands down her back, resting on her hip. He was so captivated by her, the moment seemed almost seemed too good to be true.

That's when she noticed it; his hands were still shaking. In the chapel she assumed his hands were shaking because of his emotional state, but it was clear now that there was something wrong with him.

He was beautiful, but if he was too sick to defend himself- it would affect her chances of survival. But for now, she kissed his chest, and went to sleep to the sound of his heartbeat.

She did not bother to sneak him out of her room the next day, "what?" she glared at the District 7 managers as she walked him to the door and gave him a kiss goodbye.


	3. Chapter 3

round 4 the actual competition:

The competitors rode in to the arena in tubes, the way it had always been. But this arena was different, each person started on what looked like a bridge leading to central island of weapons.

Instinctively he looked over at Johanna. She had been looking at him the entire time waiting to mouth one silent message, "Find me."

He knew all the cameras were on Katniss and the other high ranked former champion Finnick, so it really didn't matter what Josiah did.

He focused on following her trail, not even getting a weapon (it would have been pointless.)

Only one person really tried to attack (maybe taking out such an easy target would have raised their confidence),it was some wannabe who was actually less prepared then even he was. He disarmed the opponent, who then backed away slowly; only because Johanna randomly appeared with her axe at her side.

She lead her lover deep into the forrest of the game ; she could sense he thought they were still allies but that was far from true after she became aware of his "disability".

She couldn't relay on him and wouldn't protect him at the cost of her own life and she didn't believe he would do it either if their role were reversed. But the moment they shared did change her cold heart slightly she could not bear the thought that the man that had given her so much the previous night be slaughtered by one of the other jackal in game.

Once they were far in to the forest, she turned drove him to the ground before kissing him like the night before. She could feel him touch and caress her and for a moment she wavered. But that moment disappeared as she felt his hand quiver again.

She could fell the emotion swell inside as if the pain she was feeling was a blade piercing her heart.

But with an unconscious "natural" reflex; she had already withdrew her small knife she taken from the weapon area-and stuck it into his neck, pulling it in a half circle before ripping it out again- all with one quick motion

She could feel the man's body try to jerk away as his warm blood flowed over her hand. She held the kiss until he was gone her own eyes closed throughout; praying that when she open them she wouldn't be here. She prayed she would be back in the district 7 of her youth, never forced into being in the games.

But as she open her eyes her prays weren't answered she found she was staring into the open eyes of the man who (if not for the game) she might have loved. And for the first time in many years she could feel tears streaking down her face. She kissed him one last time; and then search him for something before closing his eyes.

"I make them pay for what they have made all of us do here. . . . Now go with god; because I fear we'll never meet again in this world or the next for what I have done and will do there is no forgiveness."

With that she got to her feet and wiped away her tears; her hand open briefly revealing her intention to take his cross.

She looked at it for a moment before the cannon sounded. Dumbfounded- Johanna looked up to see his picture being displayed in the neon blue sky; it was preemptive, just for less than a second. If anyone ever asked, the producers could call it a "glitch."

Usually the pictures all displayed at night, sparking against the darkness like the ending credits of a movie. Someone wanted to let her know they were watching; she did not get away with this moment in private. Someone wanted to piss her off.

She slipped the cross under her uniform, next to her heart, there would be plenty of time for emotions, but now was the time to be pissed off.

As he awaited his fate in death, Josiah was not sure why he didn't see that coming. Perhaps this was just the way it was meant to be.


End file.
